Sunday, November 18, 2007

BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES

MONDAY MORNING
GETTIN READY FOR WORK
I'M RUNNING LATE
MY BOSS IS A JERK
LOOKED IN THE MIRROR
WHAT DID I SEE
BLACK ROOTS STARIN BACK AT ME.

IVE GOT THE BLEACH BOTTLEBLOND BLUES
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
OH YES IVE GOTEM
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES

KNEW I HAD TO MAKE IT
TO WORK BY EIGHT
IF I DIDN'T GET THERE
I WOULD SEAL MY FATE.
NO LONGER WORKIN
FOR THE STATE.
BUT THE BLACK ROOTS
WERE MUCH BIGGER THAN ME
SO GAVE IN ----
TO VANITY

IVE GOT THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
OH YES I HAVE GOTEM
YOU KNOW
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES



SPEEDIN DOWN THE INTERSTATE
COULD NOT BE LATE
COP PULLED ME OVER
THEN ASKED FOR A DATE
AND I WENT OUT WITH HIM
FOR GOODNESS SAKE
WHAT A MISTAKE
IT WAS HARD TO STAY AWAKE.I'M THE DUMBEST BLEACHED BLOND
THAT YOU EVER HAVE SEEN .
ALL THAT BLEACH HAS WRECKED MY
SELF ESTEEM

IVE GOT THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
OH YES YES I HAVE GOTEM
THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES.

GONA TRY BEIN A REDHEAD
MEN WANT TO TAKE THEM TO BED.
AT LEAST----
THAT'S WHAT ALL MY BOYFRIENDS HAVE SAID.
ALWAYS THOUGHT I COULD HAVE BEEN
A FANTASTIC SWEET POTATO QUEEN
THINK ILL CALL JILL CONNER
AND PLEAD MY CASE
THERE HAS TO BE SOME SAVING GRACE
FOR THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES

OH THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES
YES LORD IVE GOTEM THE BLEACH BOTTLE BLOND BLUES.

I HONOR OF ALL MY BLEACHED BLOND FRIENDS AND FAMILY .
LAURA WILBORN
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PEPPERS IN A COLLANDER

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MONET'S GARDEN

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PAINTED FORM A PHOTO OF THE MONET GARDEN (FRANCE 2006)

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HEY I'VE GOT A BITE

DEMOCRATIC FRONT RUNNERS

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HILLARY- EDWARDS - OBAMA

MEMAW AND I

MEMAW AND I

MEMAW AND THE MALE ENHANCEMENT HORMONES

< MOTHER IS A VERY PROPER SOUTHERN LADY - EVERYONE LOVES MEMAW - SHE IS ALWAYS CALLED UPON TO SAY THE PRAYER DURING HOLIDAYS , IS GIVES OF HER MONEY AND ADVICE AT EVERY OPPERTUNITY - MOST OF THE TIME.
SHE IS HOWEVER, SCHIZOPHRENIC AND ONE NEVER KNOWS WHO MIGHT SHOW UP FOR DINNER. SHE LIVES WITH MY FAMILY, NEVER A DULL MOMENT.
THE OTHER DAY SHE CAME AND SAT DOWN BY ME AND THOUGHTFULLY SAID -- LAURA -I THINK WE SHOULD BUY THE BOYS ( MY SONS ) SOME OF THAT MALE ENHANCEMENT STUFF I HAVE SEEN ON TV.
WELL, I JUST ABOUT FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR.
I LOOKED AT HER THERE WAS NO HINT OF UNCERTIANTY IN HER EXPRESSION.

WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE,
I ASKED HER WHAT HER REASON WAS FOR THIS.

SHE SAID VERY SERIOUSLY - I JUST KNOW IT WOULD HELP THEM HAVE MORE FRIENDS.

AT THAT POINT I COULD NO LONGER HOLD MY HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER - AND LEFT THE ROOM WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING.
FINIALLY AFTER I REGAINED MY COMPOSURE -

I WENT BACK TO TALK TO HER ONLY TO FIND MY YOUNGEST SON SITTING DOWN NEXT TO HER - SMILING FORM EAR TO EAR TELLING HER - OH SURE MEMAW ILL TRY IT - WHY NOT ??????


OMG - TRYING TO REGAIN SOME PARENTAL FACE I - STARTED TO REVIEW WITH MY MOM , WHO BY THE WAY MADE ME COME HOME FROM DATES BY 1100 UNTIL I WAS 20 YRS OLD ,WHY THIS MAY NOT BE SUCH A GOOD IDEA. MY MOM KEEPING HER RESOLVE ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION.

ENTER MY OLDER SON - THE VOICE OF REASON - TO WHOM MY MOM USUALLY LISTENS TO.
HE IS 22 AND USUALLY HELPS ME TO MODERATE WITH ANY UNUSUAL SITUATIONS - NOT THIS TIME HE JUST SAT THRE LOOKING AT ME AND SMILING.
HE SAID THE SAME THING THAT MY 16 YR OLD SAID
HEY SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!


I JUST LEFT THE ROOM - ONE HAS TO KNOW WHEN TO JUST LEAVE THE ROOM.
AT THIS POINT I DONT KNOW IF SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT OR THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL FOR A DOUBLE ORDER OF THIS STUFF.
SHE SAID ( BOB) ON THE ADD JUST LOOKED SO HAPPY.
SO I AM KEEPING AN EYE ON THE MAIL BOX AND HAVE CONFASCATED MEMAWS CHECK BOOK FOR THE TIME.

A FEW DAYS LATER I THOUGHT THAT MEMAW MUST NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ENHANCEMENT WOULD BE INHANCED BY THIS HORMONE--SO I ASKED HER WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS THE PURPOSE OF THIS DRUG.
SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS NOT REALLY SURE BUT --
BOB ON TV DID LOOK SO HAPPY . THAT IT MUST BE A GOOD THING.
I THEN EXPLAINED WHAT EXACTLY WAS ENHANCED
SHE TURNED RED AND SQUEELED -- OH NO I HAD NO IDEA-- LAURA THEY WOULD NOT ADVERTISE SUCH A THING ON TV. I ASSURED HER THAT THEY WOULD - SHE IS NOW BEING VERY QUIET ABOUT THE SUBJECT - AND HAS CANCELED HER ORDER FOR SAID STUFF--OMG